Death

A distant friend's husband died on Friday. Death really puts things into perspective. All I could think was that she could be me. Zac was only 28. 28. It was a motorcycle accedent, really a tragidy.

We took Holen with us to Mississippi two years ago. That's when we became friends. Of course, over the last 2 years we haven't really hung out much - life gets busy, and we live on opposite sides of the county - it's sad really. But we would see them every so often at church or game night, and we did super bowl together a few years back. But I really like her. She's quirky, and I like that a lot. Her and Zac had been married 2 years then - they were learning communication stuff (a life long lesson) - we had some really good talks. She is a really hard worker - but she's quiet and I think was taking awhile to adjust to moving to the central coast.

Zac was from here. He went to high school with me - a year or two older. I didn't really know him well, but my friends did. I remember when I was pregnant - he was so funny about it! We saw them at church and he was going on and on about how he couldn't believe there was another human growing inside me - he loved to hear about how wierd it was. It's a really fond memory.

So 2 years ago Holen and I were in Mississippi - and now she is a widow. And it makes me think... What if I'm a widow in 2 years? It could happen. We're all the same, we all break the same, we all breath the same, we're all dust... It makes me see how important today is. We always hear that right - it's in the Bible. Don't worry about tomorrow, today has enough trouble, don't plan for tomorrow, you don't know if you have one... But I get it this weekend. I see how close death really is. We really don't know what tomorrow holds. Holen didn't know that those were their last moments - their last dinner, their last kiss.

The sad part of my revalation, is that I know it's temporary. I will live in this aware state for a little while - but it will fade. I will all too easily slip back into my complacent life, not thinking about making the most of every oportunity because it may be my last chance. My last chance to do it, or my last chance with someone else. But it's a good temporary revelation - I'm trying to make it a lifestyle while I can so it will last.

As for Holen, I haven't talked to her yet. I tried calling, but I had to leave a message. My heart is breaking for her though - everytime I think of her, I think that it could be me, and it hits close to home. I ache for her, I can only imagine what it is like to actually walk through - I pray I won't have to. I pray for her all day long - for peace, for comfort, for people to surround her and lift her up. For the strength to take it one day at a time. Death is so hard for those of us left behind - even when we know they left to be with the Lord, we are still left with emptiness and knowing we won't see them on this earth again, and that is really hard and really sad. I can't help but cry everytime I think about her - about Zac's family.

Death really sucks.